It's a little black monster that hitches a ride on your back wherever you go. It holds tightly to your neck so that you will never forget its presence. When you begin to feel inspired, uplifted, or free, it gets jealous. It wraps its arms around your head and covers your eyes; blinding you. It doesn't want you to let go. It wants you to merely survive, not live. Some people carry it willingly, others fight harder to make it let go. But when you fight it, it fights back. It pulls on your hair and scratches your skin. It kicks you in the stomach and gets in your head. It is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain. Whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling is always present.
Everybody is afraid of something. Not everybody expressess fear, but they all experience it. Everyone is familiar with that dispairing emotion. Everyone knows what it feels like to be crippled by something they cannot control; something they can't seem to get rid of.
I'm not scared of spiders or snakes or hights. I don't scream when I watch scary movies, or when I almost crash the car. I'm not afraid of life, and I'm not afraid of death. I don't mind climbing, and I don't fear falling. I fear failure. I fear that one day I will mess up so badly, that what I have done is hopelessly irriversable. I fear that one day someone will need me, and I will not know how to help them. This fear defines me. This single fear is what makes me who I am. It is what makes you who you are. You can either carry it, or fight it. It will probably fight back, but you need to decide if the risk is worth it. There is a big difference between survivng your life, and living it.
This is really good. I love how you compared fear to a black monster. Sometimes, it really seems that way, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteThis, was really good. No really. Like really good. Just the visual you put in my head with the first paragraph was fantastic. "It wants you to merely survive." Fear is a parasite is it not? So yeah, I liked this. A lot.
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